


Matilda and the Timorous Paladyn

by ScheherazadeLorentz



Category: Dragalia Lost (Video Game)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, Headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24144091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScheherazadeLorentz/pseuds/ScheherazadeLorentz
Summary: A tale of two paladyns and one bunny.
Kudos: 3





	Matilda and the Timorous Paladyn

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [玛蒂尔达与胆小的圣骑士](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609321) by [ScheherazadeLorentz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScheherazadeLorentz/pseuds/ScheherazadeLorentz). 



> This fiction is the result of the author's impotent rage stemming from her failure to summon the Grand Paladyn, and therefore contains the author's salty slander against our beloved Elisanne and malicious psychoanalysis of the paladyn.
> 
> This work was also written before the release of Gala Alex and Ciella; thus, despite the author's best efforts of adhering to the game's original settings, there might be some inconsistencies with the canon.

It's another afternoon in Halidom, and Elisanne is busy preparing.

Gently flattening the tablecloth, putting on the delicate teapot, the blond now tries to plate the assorted desserts she acquired from a certain fair Sylvan. As it is the nature of this maiden, she finds her effort wanting attempt after attempt. Eventually, the blue-clad paladyn lets out a sigh as she notices the darkening sky outside, and decides to move on.

When she takes out three tea sets from the closet, Elisanne's eyes are caught by a pair of pink teacups in the corner. 

"Forgive me, Matilda. We will not use your favorite teacups today," Elisanne apologizes to her long time friend who accompanied her since the church days, "If only the two of us have the matching teacups, she will feel left out."

"Compensations are required," Matilda replies. Maybe it's because of the shared color, Matilda has always been fond of this particular pair of teacups. Elisanne considers them the best gift she has ever given to her friend even to this day.

"How should I compensate you, Matilda?"

"Croissants, scones, profiteroles, and your kiss before bed."

"Ahem," visibly embarrassed, Elisanne coughed, "Matilda..."

However, she cannot finish the rest of her sentence but nod when looking at her friend's puffed cheek and little round eyes. 

"Thank you, Elisanne." Though not able to use her loved teacups, Matilda looks rather delighted, "it's a miracle that we are together again this soon." 

"No doubt. I thought it would be just the two of us now when I decided to leave the Church." Having finished setting up the table, Elisanne takes Matilda in her arms and gently settles her friend onto one of the chairs before the round table, "if it wasn't for your guys listening to my..."

Rat-a-tat.

"It must be her!" Lightly squeezing her friend's long ears, Elisanne hastily attends the door.

"How fares, Lady Elisanne." 

Standing in front of the door, this red-haired pagan priestess, Akasha, is the guest they were expecting.

Elisanne likes tea parties, not because of, well, at least not entirely because of the customs of her rather upper-crust birth. To be more precise in this matter, Elisanne would say that she likes having tea parties with her close friends.

Born with a silver spoon in her mouth, Elisanne had a childhood worth envying. Living in a spacious house, being surrounded by servants and teachers, Elisanne was deemed a "prodigy" ever since she could remember.

Although she was not able to tell that from which part of her bestowed gifts - talents or the fortune - born this title, Elisanne understood there's a particular persona she had to uphold and a certain expectation she must meet. She was scared of the eager eyes of people; scared of being crushed by unattainable expectations and, equally so, of the disappearance of them rendering her life meaningless.

The only time she could let her hair down was when with her close friends - Matilda and Akasha, who always listened patiently without judgment. 

Elisanne remembers how her younger self often stroked Matilda's warm fur and fluffy tail to relax, and how Akasha's tranquil visage and her amber eyes always reminded Elisanne of the golden sea during the sunset, which was equally soothing for her.

Just like now.

Elisanne can't help smiling when remembering those fond memories, "How lovely. We three are here together, just like the old church days."

How unusual it was - when Elisanne comes to think of it - for a pagan, no, a pagan priestess like Akasha to enter the Ilian Church and make her acquaintance. Akasha's gracefulness and tolerance must have made her a guest of the Church, Elisannes notes to herself.

Of course, some faithfuls are still hostile towards Akasha, such as that odd inquisitor named Curran. This is quite understandable, Elisanne has to admit. As a paladyn herself, it is already imprudent for her to consort with pagans and the like; what if she is no longer a mere paladyn? Would she still be able to maintain her relationship with Akasha? 

"Lady Elisanne, shall we speak about the Church today?" May having sensed Elisanne's hesitation, Akasha puts down her teacup and addresses the young maiden, "I heard about the bishop's letter regarding your appointment as the Grand Paladyn."

Before Elisanne could reply, Matilda protests, "NO! Matilda doesn't want to hear about some troublesome political letter filled with schemes and intrigues. Matilda wants something more interesting!"

"I'm sorry, Akasha. Let's not discuss the matter concerning my appointment today; I still need more time to ponder over it." Elisanne turns to Matilda and asks, "What kind of interesting things do you want to talk about then, Matilda?"

"I want to hear the story of that enteral dragon, whose scales are thicker than the walls, who shamelessly asked you to carry her to the summit of a mountain..."

Mym was merely joking.

"What about the third scion, Chelle? She enthusiastically required you to be her new steed..."

Her majesty surely is fond of mischiefs, Elisanne shakes her head. 

"Alright, let's talk about gramma Cassandra's talkative magical diary then."

Discussing other's personal life might not be wise, and please refrain yourself from calling Miss Cassandra gramma. Her dark magic is very formidable, VERY.

"Snort. Why don't you tell us about that cute paladyn fellow of yours who stops by every single day to watch, no, admire you practicing?"

"That's not true!" Elisanne almost choked on her tea.

"What is not true?" Asks Akasha, who eyes the flushing paladyn attentively.

Can't think of better topics for the chat, Elisanne sighs before obliging. The paladyn refills Matilda's plate while speaking to the curious priestess, "I'd like to tell you two about Julietta if I may have your indulgence."

"Your fellow paladyn Lady Julietta?"

"Yes. Do you know her, Akasha?

"Only a troglodyte may be unaware of the fame of the imposing young paladyn."

"Indeed. Her dazzling performance during the Trial of Paladyn was acclaimed across the Church, although many hold reservations about her lack of seniority still." Elisanne leans on her chin, "But from my experience with her, I believe she is more than worthy of the title and an invaluable member of the chivalric order..."

"Also a cry-cry who suffers from stress-induced stomachache, who is so scared of fiends and ghosts that she can faint while standing still." 

Elisanne pats Matilda on the head reproachfully and continues, "...there are seldom ones who can hold their ground against Julietta on the open field, even within the paladyn order itself. However, what's more important is her extraordinary courage. 'For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are present with Ilia.' It's a blessing from Ilia that she stands as our friend, not the foe." 

"Praised even by the 'anointed lance!' Lady Julietta must have a promising future ahead of her."

"Uh, well... that particular title..." Trying to hide her embarrassment, Elisanne munches her cookies before responding, "I'm not as gifted a paladyn as Julietta. Even if I do have something worth calling 'talent,' it would be for knowing the scripture instead of handling my lance." 

Akasha can't help but chuckles, "Forsooth the 'anointed,' I see. You are being humble, Lady Elisanne." 

"You are. Even the formidable Julietta admires you, does she not? Calling you 'Elly' and whatnot."

Ah, "Elly," these four letters poke a tender wound, and Elisanne blushes up to her ears. 

If she could, she would shut this topic down right at this moment. But she can not. It never escapes her mind that Julietta, the paladyn who clung onto her while crying out loud and calling her "Elly" in front of her for the first time, would not have sunk into that predicament if not for her sake. Maybe laying it all out and trying to perform some introspection would ease her mind a bit, Elisanne believes.

"Julietta once drew away a hoard of fiends all by herself, in order to protect me. No one would be able to fight back that amount of enemies, not to mention Julietta is... more adapted at coordinated operations. Fortunately, all was well when the reinforcement and I finally caught up with her."

"Right, that's when Julietta couldn't let go of 'Elly' and cried in front of everyone. Embarrassing, isn't it?"

"Letting my junior fellow endanger herself because of me is truly a stain on my honor as a paladyn." Ignoring Matilda's mumble, Elisanne criticizes herself.

"As you said before, Lady Julietta is not a fledgling who needs doting; she 'is more than worthy of the title' of paladyn. Instead of brooding over this, maybe we should trust Lady Julietta's judgment and be proud of her bravery."

"No, I do not intend to doubt Julietta's judgment. I..." Elisanne hastily replies, "I'm merely worried."

"Worried?" Akasha raises her brows slightly in surprise, "May I pry, Lady Elisanne? Are you worried about Lady Julietta misjudging the tide of the battlefield or that she will knowingly face the impossible for you?"

"Both, I guess." Elisanne balls her hands a bit and equivocates. She might have said too many things not befitting a paladyn. Nevertheless, paladyns are not weathered mercenaries, and Elisanne is aware that she lacks the hardened heart forged from steel and soil.

"Lady Elisanne, you must also have the ones you will risk all to protect, do you not?"

"Of course. As the protector of the Ilia faith, I shall be the shield of the poor and the weak, of the Auspex and the Church. I shall fight alongside the prince with my life until the Other is driven back and Alberia is restored to its former glory. But this..."

The importance of faith to a paladyn cannot be compared with the relationship between Julietta and herself; even juxtaposing those two together borders blasphemy. However, while being a paladyn, she is foremost a human being; even Elisanne herself cannot claim her support for the prince solely emanates from her Ilian faith.

"'For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are present with Ilia.' I believe Goddess Ilia shall bless those who adhere to this path."

As much as she wants to believe this, and no matter how reasonable it sounds, Elisanne still cannot shake off this feeling of dislocation whenever Julietta comes across her mind.

"Maybe I'm just bad at getting along with Julietta."

If her fret is not over her guilt on the battlefield, Elisanne has to investigate other potential sources. However, it's difficult for Elisanne to entertain the idea that this quandary regarding Julietta might have something more to do with herself, since she has plenty of experience dealing with various admirers.

After all, Elisanne is conscious of her popularity, both in Halidom and back in the Church. The gazes from her peers are quite straightforward and not as intimidating as the ones of the adults she remembered from her childhood. She just needs to express her empathy, accept others' kindness, be courteous and considerate, and, when the situation demands, maintain the distance. It's the same for any kind of social interactions, really; life is mundane, and she always has this abundance of compassion - that's what Elisanne concluded from her voracious consumption of... books. In short, Elisanne is very confident in her ability to connect with people and make friends.

Therefore, Elisanne saw nothing wrong in Julietta stuttering, being visibly anxious around her, or even running away in some cases. Julietta just needs more time, Elisanne thinks. And Julietta does get much better around her over time. Ever since the episode mentioned earlier, Julietta took off her facade of the all-mighty paladyn and became much more candid. Elisanne remembers fondly of her recent time with Julietta on the beach. 

Then why does the uneasiness persist? Elisanne starts to find this line of thought frustrating and futile; it barely scratches the surface.

For example, the beach experience. Clearly knowing how much effort Julietta put into inviting her alone to the beach, Elisanne failed to acknowledge it. She was not able to reciprocate but also could not bring herself to reject Julietta's kindness. In the end, all she could utter were things like "this is a rather rare experience" and "I am pleased you invited me." Nevertheless, Julietta was beyond content. Elisanne also had a good time at the beach, ignoring those thoughts in the back of her mind - if there were people around, they might even mistake her as some perfidious individual, which would be a perspective Elisanne is not keen about.

"That's just who you are." Matilda stops teasing her friend this time, "I mean, you soft-hearted gallant do-gooder.”

"The reason behind my awkwardness with Julietta eludes me still."

"I know little about your history with Lady Julietta, but unexpected emotions often have deeper roots in past entanglements. Would you deign to explore yours with us?"

"Ye, tell us about how this star-crossed relationship started."

Although Elisanne is rather troubled by the enthusiastic tone of her inquisitive friend, she tries to gather her memories, "Before coming to Halidom, Julietta and I resided in different dioceses; thus, there is rarely any connection between us. However, I had one encounter with Julietta dated a bit further back."

Before the Other was revived and Grastaea plunged into chaos, the Trial of Paladyn at the Central Church was an important annual event for the chivalric order. It's not only a test for electing the new paladyns, but also the gathering of leaders of the local churches and a ceremonious celebration for the general mass. Knights and templars from various parishes were itching to test their skills, while the current paladyns would help host the trial, maintain the order, and participate in exhibition matches. 

Elisanne, then a newly promoted paladyn, also attended the affair, and she found herself at a loss, standing in front of the exquisite statue of Ilia in the courtyard of the Central Church. People congregated at the field waiting for the commencement of the Trial of Paladyn, leaving the spacious courtyard empty. It was uncomfortably quiet for Elisanne since the shaking girl hiding behind the bush near the holy statue still had not noticed her presence. Looking at the curled up girl, Julietta, Elisanne pondered what to do.

"Rah!" The cheering sound from the field startled the birds in the courtyard, as well as Julietta, who tightened her arms around her head. The trial was about to begin.

Elisanne could not turn her back on the suffering girl. After taking a deep breath, Elisanne tramped toward Julietta.

Hearing the steps, the panic-stricken Julietta jumped up and turned around, "Ah! I..."

"Are you lost, my friend?" Elisanne cut her short.

"Ugh..."

"The first time I arrived at the Central Church, this enormous cathedral also left me disoriented."

"Well... No. I was merely appreciating the grandeur of the Cortile del Belvedere, before the ruckus ruined my mood." Having regained her composure, Julietta eyed the young maiden roughly her age and asked, "Are you here for the trial as well?"

"I managed to survive the trial a couple of years ago, and now I serve as a guide for my fellow knights."

"You are a paladyn?!"

"It was strenuous, but thanks to Ilia, I was granted the honor of being a paladyn in the end." Elisanne took a brief moment to look around before continuing, "It's such a shame that I have never spent time admiring the cortile, the crown jewel of the Central Church. Alas, we have a trial to attend. Would you mind giving me a tour of the courtyard afterward?"

The smiling paladyn extended her hand.

"That's it? I was expecting some action; like, you the paladyn saved Julietta-in-distress from one horrifying fiend or something. Put this aside. Did you visit the courtyard with Julietta after the trial?" Matilda asks.

"No, I only said it to be polite." Elisanne shakes her head, "Maybe my guilt over this was partly what drove me to pretend not recognizing her during our reunion at Halidom."

"No need to be this harsh to yourself. After all, Lady Julietta passed the trial with flying colors, and adores you still to this day. It might be a blessing in disguise; your apparent amnesia of that day, including her loss of composure, could have lent Lady Julietta the ease of mind she needed." As if remembering something, Akasha added, "Withal, Lady Elisanne, you could have turned a blind eye to her anguish and walked away. Your action was commendable."

"Right." Elisanne nods. Her thumb uneasily strokes the handle of the teacup in her hand.

Looking at her reflection in the teacup, twisted by the ripples, Elisanne feels something stuck in her throat, something nauseating, something called "self-hatred."

"I did not help Julietta purely out of the goodness of my heart." After taking some time to muster her courage, Elisanne raises her head again, "Julietta is the heir of one of the most prestigious families in the Church. Her unexpected absence from the trial would be scandalous. Nonetheless, I understand the burden and pressure she has to shoulder... at least to some extent." 

Elisanne discerned Julietta's attempt to hide her suffering as soon as she cast her sight on Julietta. It's a behavior all too familiar to Elisanne -- the necessity of the weak to conceal their pain and injuries to deter the beast of prey. She could not turn her back on Julietta. As a paladyn, she took up the lance and vowed to protect the...

"Are you sympathetic towards Julietta?"

Interrupted by the question, Elisanne looks blankly at Akasha for a second, before realizing she cannot utter an affirming answer to this simple inquiry. Although she has yet to grasp the essence, nor could she put it quite into words, Elisanne knows what she feels towards Julietta is neither sympathy or empathy. Her feeling is something more chaotic and cruel. 

Gazing into the amber eyes of Akasha, Elisanne hears a gentle and calming hum in her ear. She feels more collected now.

This feeling reminds her of her younger self, holding Matilda in her arms. The warmness shivering near her chest, the steady and reposeful breath... Elisanne feels the tantalizing sensation growing inside of her.

"Lady Elisanne?"

Elisanne snaps back to reality and notices the worried expression on Akasha's face.

"I..." Elisanne opens her mouth, and the blurred memories slowly reemerge, "I remembered something. My apologies."

The first time when Elisanna met Matilda, the albino kit was still struggling to open her eyes. Those were the eyes like rubies on ermine, pellucid and gleaming.

"'This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.' That was all I could think of when my parents handed me Matilda.

"Affection from a child is simple and straightforward, and I liked Matilda with all my heart. Her silky fur, her warmness and obedience, I could not let her go. I would hold her in my arms all day long and not even allow servants to touch her. How foolish I was."

"Lady Elisanne, you were quite young back then..."

"I used to be afraid of being eyed and judged by people; so scared that I could not hear the sound around me anymore. I could not stop shaking no matter how many prayers I repeated or how deep my nails pinched into my palm. This suffocating fear crippled me until I found out I was not alone - Matilda in my arms was trembling, just like me. When she clung onto my sleeves and her nails pierced my skins, I almost cried out of joy."

The oasis for a perpetually tormented sufferer is another soul struggling in the same endless desert of agony.

"I could cover her eyes, let her not see the approaching crowd; I could caress her back, let her relax her perked ears." Elisanne is terrified of her thoughts, "As long as I held her in my arms, I was her sanctuary and salvation, and I would fear no more."

She was the savior and also the bane.

"I took Matilda with me whenever and wherever, for I craved the pleasure of 'saving' this feeble being again and again. This barbarity went on for years until the Dragonyule of one winter.

"I accompanied my parents on their business trip to the northern land, and I took Matilda with me. The winter in the north is a wonder to witness."

Mistress Elisanne, please be wary of staring at the snow for too long, the servants reminded the young Elisanne looking out the window of the wagon. But how could she avert her eyes, for the silvery spectacle was never seen by her who was born in Alberia?

"I sneaked out of the inn, bringing Matilda with me, and climbed up the nearby hill despite the snow. Although my nose was sore, I was overjoyed to feast my eyes on the snow-covered town, and my tears fell. I remembered everything started to appear warmer and thought the dusk was anon. The snow blindness must have already affected my sight. Then, there was a sudden cracking sound behind me, which caught me by surprise, and Matilda jumped out of my arms."

That must have been the sound of tree branches snapping under the weight of the snow.

"I chased after Matilda, but was tripped and fell, and we rolled down the hill. When I managed to sit up, my sight started to blur, and I could not find Matilda, who was the same color as the snow.

"'I should be able to see her eyes, her ruby-like crimson eyes!' I thought so, but everything started to turn red. My eyes pained, and my tears won't stop. 

"I grouped for Matilda in the snow, reciting every prayer I knew. When I finally found her, my hands were numb, and I could hardly feel the difference between her fur and the snow.

"Both Matilda and the snow looked pink to me; it was only until I brought myself even closer that I noticed her crimson eyes, brighter than all the redness surrounding her, were staring at me.

"How beautiful and heavenly they looked."

Elisanne brings Matilda into her arms, stroking her fluff. Her fingers run against the sewn threads and the cold glass eyes. Matilda does not make a sound; how could a pink stuffed toy bunny make any sound?

"I decided to become a paladyn because of Matilda. Ironic, one may say, the wolf who just devoured its prey wants to be the shepherd now. However, is it not Ilia's will that I brought Matilda into the snow with no servants around? Is it not a miracle that the branches cracked and I almost lost my eyesight? Matilda broke free from me with her life, and it is Ilia who answered her prayers.

"How else can a sinner like me repent? Knowing neither mercy nor love, I can be nothing more than a lance and a shield of Goddess."

"And Lady Julietta..."

"Is just like Matilda, is she not? That is what I assumed - that Julietta was a timorous, feeble and fragile bunny, that she was someone I, as a paladyn, ought to protect. But first, her stunning performance in the trial shattered my illusion; then, I was saved by her valor. O, Ilia, if this was just another display of my selfish impropriety, I can bear. But why would she want to mingle with me? Why would she risk her life for me, for a sinner who viewed others not as equal but mere beings to be saved? 'Why do you glory in what is evil, you who are mighty by the mercy of Goddess?'"

Elisanne wraps her arms around Matilda.

"Am I fit to call myself a paladyn?"

Closing the door behind her, Akasha hums a light tune and walks down the corridor.

"Ah, Heinwald, fancy seeing you here. How rare it is for you to grace me with your presence." 

The scholar clad in black waiting near the corner is not moved by her apparent amiability, "Drop the act, Akasha. You are the culprit behind the mana disturbance here."

"Its effectiveness exceeded my expectation then," the priestess smiles, "I ought to make use of the magic more often."

"I’m here to warn you that the fire you fanned there may also burn you one day."

"It pains me that you view me in such light. I merely granted the paladyn's wish and lent her my ears."

"Crocodile tears."

"Am I not more supportive than one silent toy, Heinwald? However, I have to admit it is quite entertaining. I thought she was an intolerably dull martyr full of pretentious righteousness, a divine executioner destined to be scorched by her own flame. Now, I'm curious if this sacrificial lamb of the Church can catch the glimmer of hope and escape her dread fate."

Are you not curious about the sanguinary reality of this Halidom as well, my friend?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this fiction of mine! 
> 
> I apologize for the shifting narration, the contrived plot, as well as the Alex feign at the beginning.  
> I hope the third person point of view managed to establish Elisanne as a somewhat unreliable narrator. (The two teacups thing was meant to establish that Elly's memory of Akasha was manipulated, but, in hindsight, it might have been better for me to remove it entirely. Also, Matilda’s lines were just Elly’s inner voice and Akasha could not hear them - my Elly secretly being mean headcanon.)
> 
> This story was intended as a part of a longer fiction involving Elisanne and her various FrIeNdS where Elisanne was able to experience how her relationship with her fRiEnDs could have played out differently through Akasha's ability. It was too ambitious a goal for me, and this was what was left of that project. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed the read.


End file.
